The Healthcare Smackdown

by Kevin Theis

Two months ago, it was dead. The Speaker was ineffectual, the Senatre Majority Leader a bumbler and the President was, despite the campaign promises, changing absolutely nothing.

Now? Nancy Pelosi looks like the smartest person in the room. Harry Reid has that LBJ "Master of the Senate" glow. And Barack Obama can proudly say that helped shape one of the most important, far-reaching and historic pieces of legislation in our nation's history.

Who else deserves credit? I'll tell you: the Republican Party. By marching in lock-step, uniting in their stubborn opposition to reform and, basically, spending the past year lying their fool heads off, they managed to steel the backbone of the Democratic Party and cleared the way toward this monumental achievement.

Truly, it makes a big difference when the opposition is comprised of a bunch of entrenched, bitter, obstructionist assholes. Whiny bitches who are so solidly in the pocket of the insurance industry they practically breathe lint.

Who's the leader of the GOP, after all? An orange-headed fountain of hate and deception, the loathesome John Boehner. Not since Karl Rove have we had an enemy who is so clearly evil, so solidly opposed to doing the right thing, so maliciously set against positive reform in any way.

Boehner's agenda is clear: defeat Barack Obama. Not "help the country." Not "enact effective legislation." Not "fix the system." Nope. Boehner and his party have one- and only one- reason for living. They want the President to go down in flames so that they can recapture power. That's it.

Well guess what, boys? You just got taken to the woodshed. All of you. The leather-faced Boehner, that batshit crazy freak Michele Bachmann, the slimy weasel Eric Cantor, consummate douche-bag Steve King...every single one of you got your asses handed to you by the skinny guy with the big ears.

We win. You lose. Now go fuck yourselves.

They won't, of course. They think it's Christmas in March. They believe that the President has just handed them the ammunition they will use to shoot down his party in the November elections. And in certain districts, that might be true. But Nancy, in her wisdom, gave absolution to a number of red-state Democrats and let them vote "no" on the legislation knowing how bad it would play at home. So the GoOPers can't attack them for their vote on this bill. Har-de-har-har.

Not that it matters. These guys are so stuck on crazy that they're going to keep doing what they always do: they're going to double-down. They're going to move further to the right (if that's possible). They're going to continue to obstruct, to obfuscate, to deceive the American people. They're going to whip up their base into a frenzy, further muddying the debate and, sadly, further endangering the country.

Because one of these lunatics on the right is going to snap sooner or later. Like that whacko who flew his plane into the IRS building, one of these Teabaggers is going to take Boehner or Bachmann or Turner or Overdrive just a little too seriously and do something stupid or violent or both.

And you know what they're going to do when that happens, right? You got it:

Blame Barack Obama.

For now, though, Obama can bask in the warming glow of his newly minted, desperately needed, hard fought and hard won legislative victory.

Boo-yah. The good guys win for a change.