Getting Out Of The Kitchen

In yet another strategically brilliant move by Team Winky - a Brain Trust appropriately consisting of several small children and a Snowmobile Champeen with the public personality of a rural mailbox - Winky the Elder - in the midst of two wars, the ongoing Health Care Crisis, Financial Crisis, Climate Crisis, and record Unemployment - has decided to step down from the Alaska Governor's Office - apparently in order to better Save Us All From the Evils of Socialism.

Not the kind of Textbook Socialism where you take big oil revenues taxed by your State and parcel them out to its residents in check form, annually - no. It's that other kind: the kind foisted on an Unsuspecting Old Testament God-fearing Real American Public - all 20 or so million of them - by that Muslim, No-Birth Certificate Carryin', Half-Caste, Communist Anti-Christ now occupying the White House.

Saving us all from Socialism, though, seems only to be one of several reasons the Mayor of Moosejaw is abandoning her elected post. Fiscal Responsibility - in everything except clothing expense - seems to be running neck and neck as the Excuse Du Jour, too. That is to say, too much of the taxpayers money and the Governor's time have been taken up by the resolution of Ethics Complaints, as opposed to dealing with the affairs of the State, itself. (They're all resolved in her favor, now - so: time to quit!) Uh - the Media Is Mean is one, certainly, as far as I can tell. Her friends are going on record to let us know that she Doesn't Like Her Life Right Now - and ain't that a goddamn shame?

There are darker rumblings around about a large impending criminal investigation involving the purchase and building of her family's home - but I guess we'll just have to wait and see on that. Just as I guess we'll have to wait and see if Winky can ever come up with any kind of programs or ideas or simple thoughts that might benefit her constituants - or the general public as a whole.

Nawwwww - why bother with that when you can just as easily - and much more profitably - stand in front of a pack of howling bigots, and work them into a primordial frenzy by vomiting out the most dangerous McCarthyistic propaganda in 50 years? Then act all hurt and sad when you get some right back atcha. Then lie up and down and all around about what you were actually trying to do. "I was just following orders." (Now where have I heard that before?) And what part of this process didn't we all learn in 10th grade? (Obviously not the members of the sage American Press Community.)

Or you could have your teenage child pose on the cover of magazines as an Advocate For Abstinance - wearing her graduation gown and toting that born-out-of-wedlock baby on her hip. Hopefully, when both those kids are of legal age, they'll sue you and that lunk you - uh - HAD to marry, Abstinance Grrl - for Destructive Mind Control.

"Don't fuck like we do - fuck like we say!"

Sez Winky: "It's all about choices!" (Her punctuation.) Which would refer to, one would assume, only those choices made for, and sanctioned by, Winky the Christian, But My Way. And let me just throw a quick Sidebar at you here: for your summer reading pleasure - and extra credit! - run down a copy the Governor's Official Statement online. Trust me: it is a political document like none I have ever seen or read - outside of, say, a third-grade Social Studies class. The only thing that is missing are little circles dotting the "i"s.

It really must have been tough transcribing that from the original crayon. Hopefully, Harper Collins, after paying her 11 million dollars for her amazing story, will have someone skilled in the process.

In short, how long will this uniquely American Celebration of the Stupid - but, hey, sexy - Women go on? When will all the people who voice continual alarm at the lack of role models for young US girls put their money where there mouths are and actively hit the streets to categorically demand that the media outlets offer continual, informed coverage to those women - Democrat and Republican, business and political leaders - who are actively, honestly dedicating their lives and work to the health and betterment of their fellow citizens?

I'll bet - and I could be way off base here - but I'll bet any one of them would be able to specifically answer that horribly unfair question, "What kinds of things do you read?"