Obama's Inheritance

It appears that Chimpy is going to go out of his way to make sure that Barack Obama takes over a country, and a world, that is as fucked up as it can possibly be. FDR had it easy compared to this crap. (Okay, no he didn't. But still...)

An economy in tatters, a regulatory system stuffed with perks for the corporations and very few protections for the environment and the people of this nation, the Middle East on fire and burning brightly, an infrastructure that is literally crumbling and even our own allies looking at us like we just hit on their wives.

It is an enormous pile of shit and it will take a genius- nay, a team of geniuses- to get rid of it. It will take years. It will take patience. It will take money.

Gear up for this, folks. We're looking at a long struggle before it gets any easier.

Oh, and thanks, George. You dipshit.

Conservative of the Year: Sarah Palin

And I, for one, could not agree more.

We learn through the shamelessly rah-rah pro-Palin site TeamSarah.org that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has been named "Conservative of the Year" by Human Events magazine. Who gets to write the column trumpeting her victory?

Ann Coulter, of course.

And I gotta tell ya: Ann's got a real girl-crush going here. Read this piece. Sure, it's not much more than a "those librul snobs got nothing on my girl Sarah" piece but...there's a whole lot more going on there. Check out these selected quotes:

"When McCain chose our beauteous Sarah as his running
mate..."

"Until Palin reared her beautiful head, this is precisely the sort of thinking liberals would have denounced..."

"Despite [Democrats'] phony championing of “women’s issues” (i.e. abortion) there was not one Democrat woman who could win a head-to-head contest with Palin. Especially not if we got to see their faces. Democrats may have a fleet of women politicians, but they don’t have a deep bench of attractive ones. You don’t even think of most Democratic woman as women: Rosa Delauro, Nita Lowey, Patty Murray, Janet Napolitano -- and the list goes on. Oh, sure, there are the odd female Democrat sex kittens -- your Janet Renos, your Donna Shalalas -- but they're the exception to the rule."

"After Palin gave her barnburner of a speech at the Republican National Convention, a friend of mine in a liberal industry told me his friends were aggressively confronting him demanding to know if Palin was raised by a secret cult of Christians that taught children nothing but Creationism and public speaking. Oh, how I wish he had said “yes.” Imagine the aneurisms! I think what liberals were trying to say was: Gosh, she’s an exceptionally attractive mother of five!"

Jeez, Ann. Get a room, willya?

What conservatives like Ann "Adam's Apple" Coulter don't seem to realize is...Palin does not drive liberals crazy. We love her. Why? Because she is conservativism personified. Vapid, shallow, quick to pick up a gun, not terribly interested in anything more than bumper-sticker slogans and homophobic.

Conservative of the Year? Hell, I'll go further than that. Try Conservative of the New Millenium.

Congrats, Sarah!

So Much To Do, So Much To Say

It's three days before Christmas and, naturally, everyone is freaking the hell out.

First, we have the automotive industry. "Bail us out! We'll go bankrupt! Aiyee!" And now, no thanks to the GoOPers (and, remarkably, thanks to Chimpy) it looks like a bailout will indeed happen. Will the industry straighten up and fly...er...drive right as a result? Who knows? But this is their chance.

Meanwhile, we have Barack "Person of the Year" Obama choosing Rick Warren to speak at his inaugural and everybody's spittin' fire over that one, too. I admit, I'm not all that crazy about his choice, either, but like the man said: Change is coming. It might not be change you like, but...it's a change all right.

Over here we've got Bernie Madoff and the Ponzi Schemers. They're climbing up the charts and it doesn't look like they're ever gonna stop. How hard is it to spot $50 billion worth of fraud? Well, if you're the SEC, it is apparently pretty frickin' hard. And so we watch in disbelief as those plans come crashing to the ground.

Then there's the holiday. Family, travel, money worries, job insecurity. And have you bought all your presents? No? Then you're screwed! Or at least it seems that way.

Tis the season to lose it. So let's try not to, shall we? Like Bart Simpson says, we can never lose sight of what this season is all about:

Family and friends coming together to celebrate the birth of Santa.

Family Values, Wasilla Style

Is it wrong to enjoy this? If it is, then I'm soooooooo wrong:

A 42-year-old Wasilla woman was arrested Thursday at her home by Alaska State Troopers with a search warrant in an undercover drug investigation. Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.

Big deal, you say. I bet people get arrested all the time for running a meth lab in Wasilla, Alaska. So why is this news?

Johnston is the mother of Levi Johnston, the Wasilla 18-year-old who received international attention in September when Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, announced their teenage daughter was pregnant and he was the father. Bristol Palin, 18, is due on Saturday, according to a recent interview with the governor's father, Chuck Heath.

Ooooooh, dear.

The worst part of the story? It will be years from now, when Levi is trying to remember his daughter's birthday, and Bristol has to say, "You remember, baby. It was the week Grammy got arrested."

Yikes.

Yawwwwwn. Crack. Crick. What'd I Miss?

Hello, all. Sorry to be so remiss in my blogging duties, but life has been quite the rollercoaster lately.

I'm back, I'm unrested and I'm ready to go. So...

...what's up?

In Memoriam

Props, people. She was a giant in her day.

Really, she was.

Have You Heard The One About...?

The Blagojevich Joke Train has left the station and is chugging along rapidly. How can it not? This story has everything. Money, power, a connection to Barack Obama and, apparently, a whole lot of cursing. (Frankly, I'm shocked. Such language!)

Here's the latest, from Borowitz, courtesy of my Uncle John.

More as it happens. Sheesh.

Cracked Crystal Balls

Predictions are a stupid way to make a living. The future is a murky place and we have no business trying to peer into it. I mean, who would have guessed that, six years after September 11, 2001, America would elect a man as President of the United States named Barack Hussein Obama?

So by all means, if you want to look dumb, take a flying guess at what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or, heaven help us, next year.

Reminds me of my favorite joke: How do you make God laugh?

Make a plan.

See? Now it's your favorite joke.

So here, courtesy of Foreign Policy.com, are the worst predictions for 2008. A sample, from Business Week:

"New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg will enter the Presidential race in February, after it becomes clear which nominees will get the nod from the major parties. His multiple billions and organization will impress voters—and stun rivals. He’ll look like the most viable third-party candidate since Teddy Roosevelt. But Bloomberg will come up short, as he comes in for withering attacks from both Democrats and Republicans. He and Clinton will split more than 50% of the votes, but Arizona’s maverick senator, John McCain, will end up the country’s next President.”

And that's just #6. Enjoy.

Too Soon?

Hell no.

View this while you still can.

Boy, Illinois looked squeaky clean for, what, two seconds?

Dammit.

(h/t to Susan)

The Illinois Governor Circus Continues

I don't know how you do things in your state, but here in Illinois, we really like to put our Governors in prison.

No kidding. We toss 'em in the can all the time. Why in the past 35 years alone, we've put three of our governors in the slammer. New York? They've got a former Governor who liked to boink hookers with his socks on.

Pikers.

Now comes the news that our latest First Dude, Rod "His Hairness" Blagojevich, is in trouble, too. Welcome to the club, Rod!

Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, are charged with conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery, according to a statement from the U.S. Attorney's office for the Northern District of Illinois.

What makes Rod particularly stupid in this instance is: At the time that he committed his alleged offenses, Blagojevich knew that he was under federal scrutiny. They've been investigating the guy for a long time. And yet...

"The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering," U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said in a statement. "They allege that Blagojevich put a 'for sale' sign on the naming of a United States Senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism."

Perhaps worst of all, Blago makes Obama look bad. The GoOPers are going to have a field day with this, as they should. And let's make one thing clear:

I'm all in favor of rooting out corruption and getting rid of crooked politicians. That includes members of the Democratic party. If Blagojevich did what has been alleged, he should be tossed in the pokey forever and ever. Amen.

What a goddamn idiot.

Gotta Love Arianna

From her latest posting:

"Among its myriad failings, the Bush administration has repeatedly gotten it wrong when it comes to getting it right. Over the last eight years, there has consistently been no penalty for those who have gotten things - even the most important things - wrong, and no reward for those who have gotten things right. Call it Bush Darwinism: survival of the unfittest. Over the weekend, Barack Obama made an encouraging move to reverse that unintelligent design by appointing Eric Shinseki to head the VA. By making a deliberate effort to reward Those Who Got It Right, Obama not only sends a message that the days of Bush Darwinism are over, he makes it far more likely that the next Eric Shinseki will be willing to step forward and speak up."

Atta girl, Ari. Don't you love her writing style?

Oh, and just between you and me? I thought Stewart was kind of a dick to her the other night.

I'm just sayin'.

Answering My Own Question

Gulp.

Oh dear:

"The New York Times Company plans to borrow up to $225 million against its mid-Manhattan headquarters building, to ease a potential cash flow squeeze as the company grapples with tighter credit and shrinking profits."

Please God, no. I need that paper! It's one of the few things (along with Jon Stewart) that has kept me sane over the past few years!

For God's sake, go out and buy a damn paper, everyone!

The Trib Goes Belly Up

The latest casualty of our imploding economy is none other than Chicago's own Tribune Company. Those of you completely unfamiliar with the company likely know that they, of course, own the Chicago Tribune. But this mega-company is also the proud owner of the Los Angeles Times (among other papers), WGN news, my beloved Chicago Cubs and the shrine itself...Wrigley Field.

Not to worry, Cubs fans. Nothing is going to effect the baseball season (besides the finkle finger of fate, I mean). The Trib is sure to unload the team and stadium to a buyer in the next couple of months and then limp along without them.

But this is still huge news. The Tribune is a much-venerated (if normally right-wing) institution here in Chicago.

What's next?

Midnight Regulations

Every president does it. Reagan did it. Bush One did it. Clinton really did it. And now it's Chimpy's turn.

They're called "midnight regulations" and, basically, what they amount to are last-minute rule changes. Every Administration, in their final weeks, throws onto the books new regulations and federal guidelines that, you may be surprised to learn, the incoming Administration may discover are difficult, if not impossible to undo.

But it is the kind of rules that you push for that really show what is going on in your soul. Let's have a look:

Now Clinton, as I said, set the bar very high for this. In the final weeks of the Clinton Administration, they were writing rules like mad. What kind of rules? Well, according to the New York Times, Clinton's rules included:

"....declaring nearly 60 million acres of national forests off limits to logging and road building, significantly tightening the standards for arsenic in drinking water, increasing energy efficiency of appliances, reducing tolerance for lead in paint and soil and setting new rules for privacy of medical records."

You see why you don't want those Clintons anywhere near the White House? Look at how dark their souls are! Stewardship of forests? Less poison in our water? Lowering lead in paint? More privacy? Does their depravity know no bounds?

Okay, so that's what Clinton did to Bush. So what kind of rules is Bush looking to get on the books before Obama takes over? Let's ask the LA Times:

"In recent days, the Bush administration announced new rules to speed oil shale development across 2 million rocky acres in the West. It scheduled an auction for drilling rights alongside three national parks. It has also set in motion processes to finalize major changes in endangered species protection, allow more mining waste to flow into rivers and streams, and exempt factory farms from air pollution reporting."

Yowza! You've really got our backs, there, haven't you George? Any other nifty new rules? Let's ask the New Yorker (which repeats some of what is listed above, but still):

"Among the many new regulations—or, rather, deregulations—the Administration has proposed are rules that would: make it harder for the government to limit workers’ exposure to toxins, eliminate environmental review from decisions affecting fisheries, and ease restrictions on companies that blow up mountains to get at the coal underneath them. Other midnight regulations in the works include rules to allow “factory farms” to ignore the Clean Water Act, rules making it tougher for employees to take family or medical leave, and rules that would effectively gut the Endangered Species Act."

That, my friends, is a little glimpse of George W. Bush's soul. Like what you see?

Man, January 20th just cannot come soon enough.

Prop 8: The Musical

I know, I'm probably the last one to see this, but in case it's actually YOU who is the last to see it, by all means enjoy:

"Proposition 8: The Musical."

More Bad News

Man, here's a number that'll get you quaking in your boots: 20,650.

That's twenty thousand, six hundred and fifty.

Jobs.

Lost jobs.

Jobs lost....TODAY.

According to CNN, if you total up the job cuts announced today from AT&T Inc., DuPont Co., Viacom Inc. and Credit Suisse Group, the total for Thursday, December 4, 2008 from these companies alone is 20,650.

Hope you sleep well tonight, George.

You bastard.

Chimpy on the Tee-Vee Again

Lame Duck George W. Bush sat down with Charlie "You Don't Know What the Bush Doctrine Is?" Gibson this week to chat about how his presidency is winding down.

And you know...it's kinda sad, watching this basically decent and well-meaning man, a man in the twilight of his career, who has devoted so much of his life in the service of the American people, have to sit down across the table from this Texas asshole but, hey...that's why Charlie gets the big bucks, right?

Here's the thing: Bush is in a really tough spot. He's unpopular, his party just got walloped at the polls (mostly because of him) and he's scheduled to go down as one of the worst Presidents ever (perhaps even able to swipe the "Worst Ever" title from James Buchanon and Richard Nixon). And when you're in a tough spot, that's when your true colors show.

So how does Bush do on this little test? How do you think he did? From the Daily News:

"President Bush issued a stunningly candid critique of mistakes on his watch Monday night, saying he was "unprepared" for the 9/11 attacks and calling the flawed case for war in Iraq his "biggest regret."

Funny, I would have thought his "biggest regret" would be running for president in the first place. What a chump. Now, steel yourself. It gets much, much worse:

"That's a do-over that I can't do," Bush said of his decision to attack Iraq based on the faulty intelligence that dictator Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. "I wish the intelligence had been different, I guess," Bush said...Members of Congress from both parties and the spy agencies of other nations also concluded that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, but "the biggest regret of all" in his term as commander in chief Bush said, "has to have been the intelligence failure in Iraq."

Memory, I know, is a shitty thing. I forget stuff all the time. But we must never, ever, ever, ever forget this basic fact: we had U.N. weapons inspectors in Iraq in the lead-up to the war and they found nothing. Bush pulled them out and sent this nation to war anyway claiming that Saddam was simply hiding the weapons. All this shit about Congress and other spy agencies and everyone in the world thinking he had weapons...this is a load of horseshit. We had intelligence (and plenty of it) that Saddam did not have such weapons, but we ignored it.

Bottom line: Bush was not forced to go to war, just because the Congress had given him the authority to do so. He chose to go to war because he and his neo-con buddies had a hard-on to get Saddam since Day One of their Administration. 9/11 was just their excuse.

Never, ever, ever forget that.

But he hasn't pissed me off yet. Not yet.

GOP strategists have argued that toppling Saddam was worth going to war whether or not Iraq had nuclear, chemical and biological weapons, but Bush said he wasn't sure. "You know, that's an interesting question," Bush said when asked what he would have done ifhe had known the intel was bogus. "It's hard for me to speculate."

And now he's pissed me off.

Really? It's hard for you to speculate, you fucking idiot? You've been making the argument for YEARS that simply taking Saddam out was worth everything- the lives, the treasure, the loss of global respect- and now....you're not sure? I hope when you got back to the Oval Office, someone gave you a good, hard slap in the face. For starters. Jerk.

And that's enough, you'd think, for this guy. But no. He has a lot more pissing off to do. Go for it, George!

Bush said he never expected to be a wartime President. Despite briefings warning that Al Qaeda was ready to strike in the summer of 2001, Bush said, "I think I was unprepared for war" when the planes hit the towers on 9/11.

"In other words, I didn't campaign and say, 'Please vote for me; I'll be able to handle an attack,'" Bush said. "In other words, I didn't anticipate war. Presidents - one of the things about the modern presidency is that the unexpected will happen."

In other words, you had your head up your ass.

And it is absolutely correct that unexpected things will happen to a President. One of my favorites would have been if Charlie Gibson had taken the opportunity at that moment to unexpectedly knee you in the balls.

But he's still not done:

"Asked if Barack Obama's election was a voters' verdict on him, Bush
said, "I think it was a repudiation of Republicans."

Funny you should say that, George. Because the rest of the Republicans blame you.

"Bush professed to be unconcerned about his approval ratings hitting historic lows, or about what historians will write. 'I will leave the presidency with my head held high,' Bush said, but he also regretted his failure to curb the bitter partisanship that has prevailed in Washington. 'Frankly, it just didn't work as well as I'd like to have it work,' he said.

Yeah, because, you see- George did everything he could to curb that bitter partisanship. He reached across the aisle whenever possible, he refused to demonize the other party, he relied on Democrats to help him form key legislation, he...

I have to stop. I'm choking on my own bile.

"Bush said he was thinking about writing a book when he gets back to Texas..."

I have a lot of recommendations for you, George. You could start with Woodward's last two summaries of your Presidency, move on to "An Inconvenient Truth" and...oh, I'm sorry. You said writing a book. I thought you said you were finally going to read one.

"...and will also be sorting out what he intends to do with the rest of his life."

Which, sadly, will not include recovering from Gibson's ball-kneeing.

But, frankly, we don't really care what you do with the rest of your life, Chimpy. We only ask one thing of you at this point.

Go away.

About that 'Team of Rivals'

I've been getting some e-mails asking me to comment on Obama's choices for his cabinet so far. They include:

Secretary of Defense: current Secretary of Defense Robert Gates

Secretary of State: former campaign rival Hillary Clinton

National Security Advistor: General James Jones

Secretary of the Treasury: Timothy Geithner

Now we all know that Gates and Jones were supporters of the Bush Administration's Iraq strategy (to a certain degree) and Hillary, of course, voted for the war. Geithner, for cripes sake, used to work for Kissinger & Associates. So...why is this his bunch? And why in the world would any proper lefty approve of Obama's choices?

Here's why this one does: First let's deal with Hillary at State. Hillary would not have been my first choice. I'd have gone with someone like Richard Holbrooke but hey...it ain't my Cabinet. But Hillary, we mustn't forget, brings a lot to the table. Hell, up until a year ago, she was the front runner to sit in the big chair. Now Obama, wisely I think, has tapped her to be his emissary to the world. And we're all surprised that he has chosen one of the best known, most respected and toughest people in the country to be that emissary? Works for me. (About her Iraq war vote, I would hasten to point out that Joe Biden voted the same way. They were bamboozled in an election year is what I say and I'm sticking to it.)

What about Gates and Jones? Well, with Gates, Obama proves that he wasn't just talking out of the side of his mouth when he said he would reach across the aisle. Next, he's also hewing to the No Drama Obama storyline, in that there will be a smooth transition of power at the DoD (and believe me, if you want one department to run smoothly, it's that one). Further, Gates has already said that, due to the new alliance struck between the Iraqi government and the U.S., that the timeline for withdrawal that Obama has proposed seem perfectly reasonable to him. Finally, we're going to have to disabuse ourselves of the notion that having worked for Bush automatically makes you a bad guy. This is true in some cases (Rumsfeld, Gonzales), but not all (Gates, Powell).

Jones is a great choice as he is, essentially, a non-political military leader, former head of NATO and he gets, as few do, how important it is to straighten out the mess in Afghanistan. Look for him to take over Gates' job in about a year, I reckon.

Finally there's Geithner (whom I like just because he, like me, suffers under the same "No, the 'H' is silent in my last name" problem). This, to me, is the best choice he's made so far. Geithner is a protege of Lawrence Summers (who will also be on Obama's financial team), but he's also a Robert Rubin guy, who I dig even more than Summers. At 47 years old, he has a lot in common with his new boss (besides being the same age). They are both Boy Wonders of a sort, both highly respected, both meteoric in their careers and both qualified, despite their tender ages.

Finally, let me say this: Obama was screwed no matter what he did. If he had picked a bunch of neophyte lefties, he would have been pummelled as a divisive boob who only caters to the needs of the left wing. If he had tacked too far to the right, he would have been a naive hypocrite who embraces the very Administration he ran to replace. Instead, Obama is keeping to the middle and...he's still getting hammered.

The point is, he promised "change" and he will deliver change. Change from the Bush Administration. And with his current team, we're gonna get change in bucketfuls. It'll be like working in a tollbooth. You want change? Look around!

Seriously- Obama was looking for experienced people and he found them. He was looking for people who would challenge him with conflicting ideas. He found them, too. He didn't want to surround himself with yes-men (like a certain Monkey Man I could mention). So he didn't. He's tacking to the center. Anyone surprised?

In short, I'm giving my stamp of approval to these choices. To be sure, there is little that Obama could do right now that would not rate my approval. His choices in the primaries, the general election and the transition have, thus far, been brilliant. If he had nominated, say, Vladimir Putin as Education Secretary, I would have likely said "Well now, let's give the guy a chance...".

But I'm not forced to approve of anyone I don't like. So far.

Showdown in Georgia

Saxby Chambliss (booo!) and Jim Martin (yay!) have their runoff election in Georgia today which will decide not only who gets to be Senator #2 from the Peachtree State, but might even decide whether or not the Demmycrats (yay!) get a veto-proof majority (60 seats) in the Senate.

Everybody's pulling out their big guns to try and win this thing, but here's the paragraph that grabs ya:

"Sarah Palin, the Alaska governor and former Republican vice presidential
nominee, teamed up with Chambliss at four campaign events across Georgia on
Monday."

Yeah, cuz nothing says "winner" or "vote for me" like good ol' Governess Palin.

I wouldn't hold my breath on this one (Obama lost Georgia pretty handily) but it would be a nice surprise anyway.

Hat in Hand, Plane at Home

So the Big Three automaker bosses returned to Congress today and decided it was probably best if they didn't go begging door-to-door with their corporate jets sitting outside. A wise move, clearly.

Yes, General Motors, Ford and Chrysler are all in dire need and they're asking for our help. Why? Why do they so desperately need our money? I'll tell you why:

Because we're bad people. That's right, I'm looking at YOU. You think you're not a bad person? Well then, you get up, walk out to the garage and take a look at what's sitting there. Is it a Pontiac? A Taurus? A...whatever the hell Chrysler makes? No?

Then you're a bad person.

Listen up, everybody, and listen good: If you don't buy American cars, if you buy Japanese or (gasp!) European instead, then you are to blame for this Detroit mess. Sure, Detroit was late in coming up with a hybrid car. And yes, they insisted, long after they should have, that they should continue to build enormous trucks and even more enormous SUV's. And, okay, most of their brands look like something you could make with a not-very-imaginative cookie cutter.

So what? You're telling me you ABSOLUTELY had to buy a car that got better mileage, looked cool and didn't fill up your garage and the garage next to you? I'm sorry. That is an unacceptable answer.

America is suffering from a huge trade deficit because the people of this country insist on buying products that are cheaper, better and last longer. And, apparently, all of these products come from countries other than our own. Am I the only one that can see that this is a problem?

We must stop this madness! Stop buying those European wines, Japanese cars and South American blow. Stop it! We've got perfectly acceptable wines, cars and coke here in America. We do! Sure it might not be as good, but do you want the Napa Valley winemakers and the Southern California drug dealers asking for a bailout next? You do NOT.

Buy American, people. Even if it's kinda crappy.

Say...that would make a great bumper sticker! I'll put it on my Mitsubishi right now...