Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Gratitude


With Thanksgiving Day tomorrow, my colleague Mr. Pickering has offered up a few things for which we should be profoundly grateful (Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert being high on the list, as is right and proper). I'd like to offer up a few thanks of my own.

First and foremost, for my family. My wife, my kids, my brother and his family, my father, aunts, uncles, cousins. I am blessed with a large network of loving, caring, thoughtful and brilliant relatives. Few are as rich as I am in such blessings.

For my friends and my artistic partners. Rare indeed is the man who is as supported and encouraged in their endeavors as I have been by those close to me. I value their warmth, their insight, their criticism, their humor and their love. That's the secret of life, you know. No kidding. You want to be truly happy? Surround yourself with good people. I have and I am.

For my career- of which I often complain but rarely celebrate- I am most thankful. That I have lived into my fifth decade and am still able to work in the arts is something for which I should be far more appreciative than I am.

For my city, my community, my neighborhood and, of course, my country. The conventional wisdom is that Republicans have a lock on patriotism. Don't you believe it. I dearly love America and I am most grateful that I am able to live where I live, say what I want to say and that, just a few weeks ago, I was able to cast my vote, make my voice heard and help guide my country in a new direction. We are unique, we Americans, in our ability to reform our government every four years. So a tip of the hat to Old Glory, eh?

Which brings me to our new Commander-in-Chief. Let's be honest: we can't expect miracles. Already the expectations are too high, our hopes raised to unrealistic heights, our dreams of a utopian tomorrow far too rosey. You know what? Who cares? We've got a new President taking over inside of two months and that, my friends, has been a long, long time coming. For that, I am more thankful than I can properly express.

Finally a few words: As we all know, these are dire economic times for many people. Unemployment and poverty are on the rise. The very financial structure of our nation appears to be collapsing. Americans with catastrophic health problems are unable to find adequate medical care. Soldiers returning from our conflicts overseas are hampered by greivous wounds, mental illness, difficulty adjusting to civilian life and an uncooperative government that- while duty-bound to care for them- often neglects it's duty. Many of our fellow citizens are lonely, hungry and suffering today.

You know this without my telling you. And you probably already chip in what you can to whatever charities you support. But on this day, if you would, please consider doing something extra. Write an extra check, throw a ten in the Salvation Army bucket instead of a one, donate a coat, something.

Your dinner tomorrow night will taste that much better. Really.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thankful


I am not sure if I would have ever managed to retain my sanity these past eight years had it not been for Stewart and Colbert. For them, we should be very thankful, indeed, this season.

The clips are from "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!" - which features brilliant songs by David Javerbaum and Adam Schlesinger. And, yeah, that's Elvis. More clips here.

There are cynics, there are skeptics
There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics
Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere
Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear
When they think that
Well, I can hear it
But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit
For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen
There are much worse things to believe in.

A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior
The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see
The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree
Find them foolish
Sentimental
Well you’re clearly none too bright
so we’ll be gentle
Don’t even try to start vaguely conceiving
Of all much worse things to believe in

Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad
Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god
You’ve got your money, you’ve got your power
You’ve got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour
You’ve got your dreams that don’t come true
You’ve got the ones that do
Then you’ve got your nothing
Some folks believe in nothing
But if you believe in nothing
Then what’s to keep the nothing from coming for you

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year
Now if you’ll forgive me there’s a lot to do here
There are stockings still unhung
Colored lights I haven’t strung
And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung
Call me silly, call me sappy
Call me many things, the first of which is happy
You doubt, but your sad
I don’t, but I’m glad
I guess we’re even
At least that’s what I believe in
And there are much worse things

Please Don't Be Like Us


So now the Republicans have been shown the door and, on their way out, they have one last message for us. Can you guess what it is? Let me sum it up for you:

"Please, Democrats, don't be complete assholes. Include us in your deliberations. Listen to our opinions. Seek our counsel. Try to make partners of us. Reach across the aisle.

"In short: Please...PLEASE don't be like us."

These are the dirtbags who took over the reins of Congress back in the mid-90's, while Clinton was President, and did everything they could to demonize, harass and generally pummel the Democratic president. They even went so far as to impeach the guy and came within a few votes in the Senate of throwing him out of office. Now, after 14 years of their ruinous management of the economy, the infrastructure of the nation and our misbegotten foreign policy....they're just not feeling the love.

In yesterday's New York Times, for example, William Kristol (aka Pie-Face) had this to say about Barack's economic team:

"[O]ne hopes they’re not too invested in the findings of the economics profession of which they’re such distinguished products — because one suspects many of the conventional answers of that profession aren’t much applicable to the current situation. After all, wasn’t it excessive confidence in complex economic models and sophisticated financial instruments on the part of people well educated in modern economics that helped get us into the current mess?"
Golly, you sure are a dick, Bill.

Here we have the duly elected grown-ups agreeing to clean up the disaster that was foisted upon them by you and your supply-side, hack cronies and you're getting all snide and "smarter-than-thou" on us? Kiss my ass, won't you?

But he isn't done:
"So I hope the best and the brightest who will be joining the new president will at least entertain the possibility that a lot of what they think they know is wrong. I trust they’ll remember that successful economic policies in the past have pulled together elements from unlikely sources, and that they’re as likely to find wisdom from reading political economists like Friedrich Hayek or Joseph Schumpeter, or Keynes himself, as from poring over the latest academic paper in a peer-refereed economics journal."
My, my. You mean that Obama's team should actually entertain the notion that they are not infallible? What a novel concept. A shame that same thing could not have been asked of the current administration for, oh I don't know...the last eight years.

Fortunately for Pie-Face (and, ultimately, for all of us) Obama and his guys are likely to take Kristol's advice. They will be pragmatic, even-tempered and open-minded, in stark contrast to their pig-headed, ideological and dumb-as-a-box-of-hammers predecessors.

Short answer: No, we're not going to be like you. You richly deserve to be treated with the same contempt with which you treated us but...Obama's more mature than you and your clowns could ever hope to be.

But I'm not. Bite me, Bill!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Barack Picks His Team


As the economy continues to go KAFLOOEY! every half hour or so, Barack Obama has continued to calmly put together the team of people who are going to help lead us out of this economic morass and into the bright shiny future where we all have tons of money, our healthcare is free and, oh yeah, everyone gets a new puppy. A gold one. And a keg of beer.

Or not. What is becoming clearer and clearer each day is that this financial mess is far worse than we thought and, brother, we thought it was pretty fuckin' bad. Every time you think that this bailout or that emergency loan guarantee has put the kibosh on the financial problem...BOOM! goes Citibank. KER-SPLAT! goes General Motors.

It's a joke, but it's not a funny one. (A funny one is: Did you hear there was a break-in at the police station? They took all the toilets. The cops got nothing to go on.)

But have no fear! The adults are on the way. President-elect Obama (I can never get tired of saying that) has named his top economic advisors. New York Federal Reserve President Tim Geithner is going to be the Treasury Secretary and former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers is going to become chief of the National Economic Council. (When this was announced last week, the market went through the roof. A good sign.)

In the meantime, Chimpy and his Gang of Misfits are doing all the can to write new laws onto the books as they walk out the door (more on this later). The cratering economy, really, is the last thing on their minds. After all, in two months, they'll be real busy shopping for publishers so they can get their tell-all "Bush was an asshole but I couldn't tell you until now" books on the shelves.

Whose will be the most interesting? Which one would you like to see most? Personally, I look forward to Dick Cheney's post-Inaugural tome: "Of Course I Really Ran Things- What Am I, An Idiot?". Or Condi Rice's "He Played Me Like a Grand Piano." Or Don Rumsfeld's "Fuck That Asshole: A Tale of Bitterness and Recrimination."

You?

Friday, November 21, 2008

Recounting- Minnesota Style


As anyone who listens to Garrison Keillor (my personal hero) knows all too well: folks in Minnesota are awful gosh-darned polite. They don't speak loudly. They mind their own business. And they don't like to stir up trouble.

So when they have a recount of a close election result (like they're having now), they don't act like those boorish Florida folks. No siree. They act civilized.

This race, between Republican Norm Coleman and Democrat Al Franken (hey! Another hero!) is one of my favorite campaigns in the country. If you gave me my choice of all of the races to prolong, this would be the one.

I've read all of Franken's books and, therefore, am aware that a big part of the reason that Franken ran for this seat is that it used to belong to Paul Wellstone, the late Minnesota pol who was also a close friend of Franken's. I've also learned, from reading Franken, that Coleman is a tool. But I'm getting a bit off track.

Back to Paul Wellstone. See, Wellstone was a great guy, a wonderful Senator and a progressive. He would easily have won back his Senate seat in 2002, but, tragically, he died in a plane crash along with his wife, three children and the flight crew eleven days before the election. In a rush to get someone to compete in his place as a viable replacement, Walter Mondale stepped in but...he narrowly lost to Coleman.

This story, however, gets nasty. You may vaguely remember that there was a memorial service for Paul Wellstone that drew some attention. See, when they got together to celebrate Wellstone's life, they not only drew a huge crowd but...things got a little raucous. People yelled and cheered and chanted and did all sorts of things that people will do when they get highly emotional. As a result, the right-wingnuts got ahold of the audio and videotape from the memorial and tried to smear the participants as having mutated Wellstone's memorial into an ugly, partisan political event.

Franken, who was there, took great exception to this mischaracterization of the event. In fact, he wrote about the memorial in his book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them and later blogged about it at the Huffington Post, which you can enjoy here.

So this race, this campaign, this recount...this one is for Paul.

Democrats want this seat back, badly. Franken is a wonderful, funny, intelligent man and he'd make a first-rate Senator. Here's hoping the recount goes to the good guys, huh?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Happy Birthday, Joe!



I love this guy. He makes me smile.

Big News



Joe Biden is 66 years old, today. Obama feted him yesterday at the Chicago office with cupcakes and Chicago sports stuff. Ah - Our Town, Chicago Is!

No auto bailout anytime soon. Yipes.

New administration appointment from Politico:

"Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano (D) has been chosen to serve as secretary of the vast and troubled Department of Homeland Security for President-elect Obama, Democratic officials said. Napolitano is a border governor who will now be responsible for immigration policy and border security, which are part of Homeland Security’s myriad functions."

Arlen Spector is not happy about Eric Holder as AG. NY Times and CNN report Penny Pritzker looks to be up for Commerce.

Bill has apparently agreed to everything, and Ben Smith has a good take on Hillary:

"Throughout his political career, Obama has had a tendency to “go big,” as his aides say, with dramatic moves and giant spectacles punctuating his run for president — his head-on race speech, his presidential-style tour of the Middle East and Europe, an acceptance speech held in a football stadium. The Clinton move, like those, marries an arguably practical choice with lofty symbolism: He’s enlarging his own administration by bringing in one of the leading figures in American politics, and delivering on a promise of a new politics that doesn’t play favorites or hold grudges.
"

Kathleen Parker cites the need for the GOP to reassess its relationship to religion:

"To be more specific, the evangelical, right-wing, oogedy-boogedy branch of the GOP is what ails the erstwhile conservative party and will continue to afflict and marginalize its constituents if reckoning doesn't soon cometh. "

Little Miss "Terrorist Fist Jab" is leaving the Fox Network. They have so many hard-line Conservative blondes over there, I can't keep them straight, frankly.

The American Prospect has a very cathartic goodbye essay for the Bush Administration, in case you want to feel good about yourselves.

Meanwhile, Cheney and Gonzo are being indicted by the State of Texas (!), and Winky has new ethics charges brought against her.

By the way: we're fucked for a while.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Building a Cabinet

There are grave concerns. From CNN.com:

"Barack Obama pledged to bring "fundamental change to Washington" as he campaigned for the White House -- but as the president-elect fills out his administration, critics say they're seeing just more of the same. More than half of the people named so far to Obama's transition or staff posts have ties to former President Bill Clinton's administration."

This is, of course, very upsetting. After all, I - like many other Americans- was promised change. And here we are, 62 days before Inauguration day, barely two weeks after election day, and...where is the goddamn change?

You see, I am an American. And because I am an American, I don't like to wait for things. I want my food fast. I like my lanes to be express. I like my car to be turbo. And I want my change now. Don't give me that "We haven't even moved into the White House yet." bullshit. Where is my change? Don't tell me "We're hiring the most qualified people for the job." crap. If they ever worked in government before...do not hire them! And whatever you do - I'm warning you right now - DO NOT HIRE ANYONE WHO WORKED FOR THE CLINTONS.

Jesus, Barack, don't you even remember the nineties? Dear lord, don't turn back the clock to that horror of an era! It makes me cringe just to remember it. The stock market, for example, was completely out of control! Ordinary people were making tons of money! It was awful! The unemployment rate...well it just disappeared! Where did all the unemployed people go? You tell me! The peace! The prosperity! It made me sick. And you want to bring those people back to the government? Have you lost your mind?

Look, here's what change is like. You ready? Go to the phone book (it doesn't matter what city you're in, just grab a damn phone book, will you?). Open it up to a random page and stab your finger down. There! That's your Secretary of Energy! Do it again. BAM! There's your Attorney General. See? Was that so hard?

That, my friend, is change. Now stop hiring all these so-called "qualified people" and let's see you mix it up a little! Make it happen and make it happen starting, like, yesterday.

I'm running out of what little patience I've got.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Lieberman

Hello, all - rehearsing all day, but wanted to dash in with a thought or two: Obama's move with Lieberman was exactly the right one to make. Lieberman is looking at 61 - 67% disapproval of his McCain campaign actions by the people of Connecticut. He's up for re-election in 2012 - which means he better get all kinds of Blue in the Senate, or they will vote his scrawny ass out.

The Homeland Security Committee is a bullshit one, anyway, with a lot of junior Senators sitting on it - real security is handled elsewhere. He has to be contrite, now, too, since the President-elect just saved him, and lots of Democrats are cheesed off about his behavior. He votes 90% of the time with the Democrats on domestic issues, anyway.

So, Obama looks like he's conciliatory, and Lieberman can't do a damn thing but vote his way. I hasten to add that if the Minnesota election redo, the Alaska trend, and the Georgia runoff go our way - that's 60 votes. With two or three moderate Republicans in the hole, already.

Beautiful, all the way around.

If You Haven't Laughed Today...

...now you will.

Quote of the Day


"If there is anything that I can do in terms of assisting there and allowing the credence, the credibility that that great vocation, that cornerstone of our democracy called the press, if I can help build up that credibility in the press and allow the electorate to know that they can believe everything that is reported through the airwaves and through print, I want to be able to help."

-- Sarah Palin to Larry King
No comment necessary, right?

Slap on the Wrist


The Lieberman news from HuffPo:

"Sen. Joe Lieberman will keep his chairmanship of the Senate Homeland Security Committee despite hard feelings over his support for GOP nominee John McCain during the presidential campaign.

"The Connecticut independent will lose a minor panel post as punishment for criticizing Obama this fall."
Big deal. Joe keeps the big chair and loses the little one. Boo-hoo.
"Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., said he was very angry by Lieberman's actions but that "we're looking forward, we're not looking back." Added Reid: "This was not a time for retribution, it was a time for moving forward on the problems of this country."
Which, if you think about it, is the difference between us and the GOP. If one of THEIR guys had turned on McCain and McCain had won? He'd be dropped unceremoniously into a chipper-shredder. Guaranteed.

"Lieberman's grasp on his chairmanship had gotten stronger since President-elect
Barack Obama signaled to Democratic leaders that he's not interested in punishing Lieberman for boosting McCain and criticizing Obama during the long campaign."

And, as has been said here before, this is why Joe isn't getting the "Fargo" treatment. Barack sent word to Reid to leave Joe alone and Harry is complying with the wishes of the new President-elect.

I'm sure he's not all that pleased about it. If I were Reid, I'd want Lieberman's head on a pike to parade up and down the Mall, but...Barack isn't holding any grudges so...Joe gets his high chair.

The liberal blogosphere is going to bitch about this all day, but my opinion is: Obama's the boss. What he wants, I want. End of story.

Channeling Mr. Potter


"Happy Birthday Senator Stevens....

....in jail!"

Monday, November 17, 2008

Worse Than Sarah


Okay, I did it.

I found the dumbest woman in America. And no, dear readers, it is not Sarah Palin. Hell, Sarah is freakin' Chomsky compared to this lady.

Are we ready? The crown goes to....

Victoria Jackson.

Yeah, I know. You're thinking "We knew that. We watched Saturday Night Live back in the 90's, Theis. We know she's kind of a dummy."

You think so, huh? Well you haven't seen her blog.

Here's how I describe her writing: it is as if someone had a big, seven-course meal of stupid, waited about two hours and then crapped the stupid out in the form of words.

Have a look. But remember: you have been warned.

The Sinking Ship

HuffPo picked up the story that David Frum, conservative writer and blogger at the National Review, is hitting the road. Why is that news? Here's why:

"In a span of 252 days, the National Review lost two Buckleys -- one to death, another to resignation -- and an election. ...

Now David Frum, a prominent conservative writer who enmeshed himself in a minor dustup during the campaign by turning negative on Governor Palin, is leaving, too. In an interview, he said he planned to leave the magazine, where he writes a popular blog, to strike out on his own on the Web. ...

"I am really and truly frightened by the collapse of support for the Republican Party by the young and the educated," he said.


It is almost inconceivable (and, also, a dream come true) to consider that The National Review, once the Ivory Tower of conservative...um...."thinkers" is now hemorrhaging writers. Once upon a time, this was the place to be if you were a right-wing hack.

Now? The rats, my friends, are fleeing.

If you're wondering why, just look at who they picked for President:


But Who's Going to Write It?


Everbody's favorite Governess looks like she might have a book in the works. Isn't that super?

Because I know that there is nothing America needs more right now than the economic shot in the arm that a ghost-written book by an illiterate, grinning, polar nincompoop would deliver.

Possible titles:

"The Thrilla from Wasilla"
"The Ghost and Mrs. Maverick"
"Moose-Catcher in the Rye"
"Half-Baked Alaska"
"I Ran for Vice President and All I Got Was This Lousy Closet Full of Designer Clothes"
"Bobby Jindal Pals Around With Terrorists"
and
"No, I'm Not Going Away. Get Used to It"

Please provide your own suggestions.

And to think...up until now, I was against banning books. Hmmm....

The Man and the Maverick


Interior Office. (An elegant looking African-American man is seated at his desk, doing a crossword puzzle and jonesing for a cigarette. The phone buzzes.)

President-Elect: Yes?

Voice: He's here, sir.

PE: Great. Send him on in.

(The man at the desk stands and crosses to the door. As he does so, it opens and an older (much older) white man walks in and awkwardly extends his hand.)

Senator: Hello, my friend. How are you?

PE: I'm good, I'm good. Why don't you come in, grab a chair?

Senator: Sounds great. (They sit. There is an awkward pause.) Say, listen...

PE: Yes?

Senator: About that terrorist stuff...

PE: Oh, please...

Senator: You understand, I hope.

PE: Hey...

Senator: We had nothing. We were desperate.

PE: I know...

Senator: The whole campaign. From Day One, we never caught a break.

PE: I was there. I saw it.

Senator: And I mean, look who I was running with.

PE: You have no one to blame but yourself on that one.

Senator: I know. (Under his breath.) God damn it. What was I thinking?

PE: Look, it was a long, hard fight.

Senator: And expensive. Don't forget about the cost.

PE: Ah, that didn't matter so much, did it?

Senator: Maybe not to you, Mr. Moneybags! I tried to do it through public financing, like I said I would. You? The minute you saw how much you could raise, you walked away and started up the cash machine. By the time we were done, you had all the money in the world. You buried me.

PE: John, listen to me: It was my job to bury you. People look at me, they see this courtly, well-mannered, level-headed guy. But never forget: I'm from Chicago. I'm going to do what I need to do to win, so long as it doesn't tarnish my image. Of course I took that money. All of it. But- and this is important- that money came from the people, not from the corporations. So my conscience is clear.

Senator: You had special interest money, too!

PE: Two things- #1, you know as well as I do that the vast majority of my campaign cash came from small contributors and #2, and I really hate to say this, the only person who bitches about unfairness after a fight is over is the loser.

Senator: (Sighs.) You're right. I just haven't gotten past it yet. Give me some time.

PE: There is no time. Come on, let's talk about the future.

Senator: What do you have in mind?

PE: A coalition.

Senator: A coalition? Is this a joke?

PE: No joke. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

Senator: What do you have in mind?

PE: Here's what I'm thinking: the Democrats are never going to get to sixty votes in the Senate. Even if we do, I'm rarely going to get all sixty Democrats to agree on anything. I mean, have you ever gone to lunch with a Democrat? It takes us eight hours to order off a damn menu. Bunch of flakes.

Senator: So what can I do about it?

PE: You can do a lot. You're the de facto leader of the opposition party, John.

Senator: Hardly. Not after what happened this month...

PE: Okay, maybe not. But you have a lot of clout. Look, I know a few things about you- first, you're a moderate. You tried to morph into a hard-right conservative during the race, but nobody believed you. You're a moderate and you're going to stay a moderate.

Senator: True.

PE: Plus, you like to stick it to your own party. After all, who created the Gang of Fourteen, huh?

Senator: (Chuckling.) Yeah, that was pretty good.

PE: I need you, John. Just like I need Joe. (The Senator starts to speak.) No, don't defend him. He made a mistake. If I were a different man, I'd cut him off at the knees and make him the loneliest man in Washington. But I'm not and I won't. I need you both. And I want to know if I can count on you.

Senator: For what?

PE: I don't need to tell you the country is in trouble. You know it. The only way out of this mess is to get serious and get serious fast. I'm going to be proposing some legislation next year that is going to piss off your party and my party and I'm going to need serious people- not partisan hacks- to push it through. I need patriots, not demogogues. And I don't care about who gets the credit. You can put your name on any law you like.

Senator: Aw, don't pull my leg. If this disaster is turned around under your watch, you're looking at another four years.

PE: That's true. But what the hell do you care? You planning on running again? At 76 years old?

Senator: Well, no...

PE: Then forget about it. Forget about politics for a minute and think about fixing this economy. After all, who caused this mess?

Senator: (His face darkening, his jaw set.) Don't. Don't even mention his name. That fucking chimp. I hate him so much...

PE: Hey, you want revenge? Here's how you do it: the minute he's gone, we turn the country around. You and me, we get the credit and the monkey-man gets the blame.

Senator: I like it.

PE: So? Are you aboard?

Senator: (A pause. Then:) You can count on me.

PE: Sounds terrific. Say, listen, I don't mean to be rude, but can I end this meeting a little early? I have a teleconference that I just can't miss.

Senator: No, no. I'll be on my way. I know you have a lot to do...

PE: Yeah, I'm interviewing Bill Ayers for the Secretary of Defense position. (The Senator looks shocked.) Kidding! I'm kidding! You know, you used to be a lot funnier.

Senator: What can I say, my friend? It's been a long year... (He goes.)

Big News



The potential auto industry bailout is all the rage, today - to have the Big Three file for Chapter 11, or not file for Chapter 11. Or go with a bailout - contingent on restructuring. Again, the lines are being drawn: Democrats for it, Republicans against. And again, a very complicated major issue directly relating to the welfare of the nation becomes a straight up and down game of win or lose by political party.

Frank Rich is still on a roll.

Dick Cavett loves Winky!

Bill Clinton is being vetted by the Obama team, along with the Senator, should there be any international conflict of interest on the horizon, re: her prospects as Secretary of State.

John McCain and Barack Obama meet in Chicago today.

The only folks who don't seem to be working at a loss these days are Albert Broccoli's EON Productions - makers of the 007 pictures, now in their 46th year. Their latest, QUANTUM OF SOLACE, debuted at #1, and took in 70.4 million in the US this weekend - a record for the franchise - contributing to a worldwide take, so far, of 342 million. It cost 400 million to make and promote - so, they should be in clear profit by, say, Wednesday. However, MGM, the parent studio, is working at a loss in the billions, so they were forced to co-finance the picture with Sony this time. Obviously, they're breathing a little easier today, too. The maggie sprocket review of the film is up - with very limited spoilers.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Your New Job

Courtesy of Mr. Theis. And I mean the REAL Mr. Theis, people.

Bill Ayers on...Good Morning America?


So William Ayers, dubbed the Boogeyman of the 2008 Presidential Election, has finally broken his silence. Hiding out during the campaign (presumably to avoid pulling the spotlight away from Obama), he apparently feels that it's safe to come out and clear the air.

So what's all the hubbub, bub? From ABC:

"William Ayers, the 1960s radical whose violent history became a focal point in the 2008 presidential election, said today that the Republicans unfairly "demonized" him in an attempt to damage the campaign of President-elect Barack Obama."
Mmmmm, I dunno. I mean, yes, the McCain campaign did their best to tie Ayers and Obama together and make their relationship out to be something that it wasn't but...were they unfairly demonizing Ayers? Let's see:

"Ayers remained militant in his defense of his bomb-throwing past and repeated a statement that has infuriated his critics: 'I don't think we did enough.'"
See, Bill, there's your problem, I think. Maybe back in the 60's it wasn't considered...you know...totally horrifying to bomb public buildings to make a point but, see...it really kind of is horrifying now. We're in a post-Oklahoma City, post-9/11 world, dontcha know, and when you try to defend the idea of blowing up public buildings in furtherance of your political ideology, I gotta say...you kinda lost me there.

"The college professor also argued to 'Good Morning America's' Chis Cuomo today that the bombing campaign by the group he helped found, the Weather Underground, was not terrorism. The Weather Underground bombed the Capitol, the Pentagon and the New York City Police Department to protest the Vietnam War."
Yyyyeah. You just keep thinkin' there, Butch. That's what you're good at. Me? Not so crazy about the whole bombing thing. You don't want to call it "terrorism"? Okay. But can I still call it "really fucking stupid and dangerous and not in any way furthering the efforts of the pacifists trying to end the war in Vietnam"? Can I still call it that?

"Ayers became a bogeyman for Sen. John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin, who demanded to know more about Obama's relationship with his Chicago neighbor. Palin accused Obama of "palling around ... with a terrorist."
And that, of course, is entirely inaccurate. As has been said here and in many other places, Obama and Ayers served on the Boards of two non-profits together, the Annenberg Foundation and Woods Fund, thirty years after the Weather Underground was involved in their bombing campaign. The two men had little to do with each other and could hardly be called "pals."

But as the McCain/Palin camp got increasingly desperate, this was one of their few brickbats so, by God, they tried to use it. Didn't work, but...this sort of thing has worked in the past.

"Ayers scoffed at the Republican effort to make his ties to Obama appear suspicious. 'This idea that we need to know more, like there's some dark, hidden secret, some secret link,' Ayers said. 'It's a myth thrown up by people who want to exploit the politics of fear.'"
Okay, Bill, we can agree on that much. I mean, you should read some of the righty blogs. Some of them make Ayers out to be this grand puppeteer, pulling Obama's strings for his entire political career and now that the election is over, Ayers is now poised to...rule the world!!!!

You can never underestimate the looniness of the far right. You truly cannot.

Final note: If you read the comments on the article at the ABC website, you can see that there is a considerable amount of rage at ABC for airing this story now. The beef is: why didn't you interview this guy before American elected this dangerous terrorist-Marxist-cigarette smoker to the White House.

Of course, the answer is: Ayers wasn't granting interviews during the campaign season. But don't try explaining facts to a righty. It'll make your head hurt just trying.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bailing Out the Big Three


Hey, did you hear that American car companies are in financial trouble? You did? When did you first hear that?

If your answer is: "Back in the seventies, Kevin." then you've been paying attention.

Here's the thing- I'm old enough to remember the energy crisis of the 1970's. Gas prices soared, we had World War II-type rationing, gas-guzzlers were vilified and, quite suddenly, we were living in the era of the Volkswagen Rabbit.

In those days, mileage was king. These cars were amazing. Thirty, forty, fifty miles to the gallon! Wow! And how did these innovations occur?

Demand. People were demanding higher gas mileage and the car companies had no choice but to deliver it.

And we all lived happily ever after.

*************

For about five years. Then the OPEC embargo ended. Gas prices plummeted. And Americans- whose attention span is about as long as this sentence- said, "Saaaay! I sure did like me them big cars! Can I get me one o' them again?"

And Detroit said "Suuuuuuuuure." And the cars started getting bigger again. And bigger. And bigger.

Then, one day, Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to modify an Army transport vehicle for civilian use and...bada-bing-bada-boom....the Hummer was born. Cars, at this point, weren't merely big. They were collosal. Ginormous. Unthinkably huge. Escalades, they called them. Expeditions. Troopers. Explorers.

Meanwhile, across the Pacific Ocean, the Japanese car companies were making plans. "You know," they thought, "gas can't last forever. Pretty soon, we're going to start running short of this stuff and we should maybe think about improving the way we build these engines so that we can be ready when the spigot is shut off." So they invested in hybrid technology. Hydrogen engines. Next generation kinda stuff.

Then they introduced their new technology to the market. And Detroit? They laughed.

"Ha, ha, ha!" said the Big Three. "You think someone is going to buy your...what do you call it?...a Prius? You think anyone will by a Prius over this Ford F-150 truck? What are you, loco?"

And then? That's right. The gas prices started going up again. And up. And up. Back to Jimmy Carter-era prices. And Americans- those geniuses- said, "Gee, it sure does cost a lot to fill up my tank. Maybe I should buy a car that gets better mileage." And they looked around to see if anybody had spent the last decade, you know, innovating.

And the Japanese said, "We did!". And the American car buyers said, "Cool!". And the Big Three said, "Uh-oh." And the American car market went into the toilet.

And now?

Now they want us to bail them out of their own mess.

**********

The previous post is vastly simplified, I realize. I did not factor the huge costs that the unions and the pension funds have imposed on the Detroit car companies, for example. (I'm a union guy, myself, so don't get me wrong.) But there is one simple truth regarding American automakers.

They were stupid. They were shortsighted. And now they are getting a much-deserved comeuppance.

Should we bail them out? I think we should. Millions of jobs- not to mention our worldwide prestige- are at stake. But our help should come at a price.

Fire the bosses. The morons who ignored every warning sign for the past three decades telling them that this day was coming. The ones who were given the option to explore hybrid technology, re-tool their factories and stop building the SUV's but, instead, said "Naaah." Get rid of those assholes and hire some competent people.

Then you can borrow some money.

Etc.

More news: the Supreme Court says the Navy can use sonar in war games. A bad break if you happen to be the largest mammal in the world.

Begich has pulled ahead in Alaska by 800 points.

Kevin's boy Al Gore doesn't want anything to do with the White House, methinks.

Looks like Our Joe picked Gore's former Chief of Staff.

And, apparently, Winky is very popular with the press at the RGA - but not so much with, you know, the other Republicans there.

Birds Of A Feather

Big News

I'm convinced the first dictate of the Obama Administration should be the widespread dissemination of No Drama pills and Ambien to the media, Congress, and the general public at large - especially Democrats. No one group in the history of man will be able to screw up this incredibly fortuitous political situation like the Dems, I'm convinced of it. They're just throwing stuff out there like there's no tomorrow. And what a dazzling job they're doing controlling the bailout. Hope they enjoy their two years in power.

Secretary Paulson announced yesterday he was changing tactics on the bailout, and while he was talking, the market plunged a couple hundred points. Forbes has the best rundown of what's going on.

For some reason hoaxes seem like a really, really good idea right now. And whereas I'm awfully appreciative of a good hoax, well planned - now is probably not the time. Of course, I would feel that way since it turns out one of our best Winky stories - that she didn't know Africa is a continent - turns out not to be false, which has yet to be proved, but to have a false source, at least for MSNBC - not for FOX, who has yet to reveal how they found out about it. The prank perpetrated by a team of bloggers with far too much time on their hands. Fear not, though, folks, there's still plenty of ignorant things she did say, live, to go around.

In other news, that lethal scourge of society, William Ayers, will go on Good Morning America, tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wow.

Kevin linked to this earlier, today, but I haven't been able to get the site to come up. Must be too much traffic.

NEW YORK, Nov 12 (Reuters) - A group of pranksters handed out more than 1.2 million fake New York Times newspapers mainly in New York City and Los Angeles on Wednesday with a front page story declaring "Iraq War Ends."

The elaborate 14-page edition, dated July 4, 2009, is said to be the work of a group called the Yes Men, whose previous hoaxes include masquerading as World Trade Organization officials announcing they were disbanding the body.

"It is fake and we are looking into it," said New York Times (NYT.N: Quote, Profile, Research, Stock Buzz) spokeswoman Catherine Mathis.

A statement sent from a Web site set up for the fake edition, www.nytimes-se.com, said creating the newspaper took six months and that it was printed at six different presses and then given to thousands of volunteers to distribute.

"We've got to make sure Obama and all the other Democrats do what we elected them to do," Bertha Suttner, identified as one of the newspaper's writers, said in the statement. "After eight, or maybe twenty-eight years of hell, we need to start imagining heaven."

Tomorrow 5:15: Joe and Dick

Joe and Jill Biden make their official visit to the Vice-President's residence, tomorrow afternoon - and meet The Cheneys. Will there be fisticuffs? No man can say. Our Joe has always had such lovely things to say about The Penquin.

Ben Smith at Politico had a funny story from Election Day:

"My colleague Victoria McGrane e-mails that Biden also did his version of measuring the curtains on Election Day.

During an on-plane avail started by his 10-year-old granddaughter Finnegan, who came back to the press section on her own to speak to reporters, followed later by her grandfather, Biden said that when the speculation started in early June that Biden might be the vice presidential pick, Finnegan, daughter of lobbyist son Hunter, had her mother drive to measure the mileage from their own Washington, D.C., home to the Naval Observatory, the official residence of the vice president.

It’s a mile and a half, Finnegan informed the press corps.

“And her little sister Daisy … said, ‘Yeah, Pop, and it's got a swimming pool.’ So you know there are all the reasons” for agreeing to run, Biden said."

Man, I love this guy.

The Energizer Bunny


Lord help us, the Governess can't stop going and going and going.

During the media blitz Sarah Palin is enjoying this week in the run-up to the National Governor's Association meeting (see Mr. Pickering's post below), dear Sarah just can't stop dumping gasoline on the fire that is her reputation. This is the latest, from CNN:
"The Alaska governor said in an interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer that if Obama asked her for help on some of the issues she highlighted during this year's campaign, such as energy or services for special-needs children, "it would be my honor to assist and support our new president and the new administration."
No shit? You would work with President Obama? It would be your "honor" to do so? Well, that's great, but surely you don't speak for...
"And I speak for other Republicans and Republican governors, also," said Palin. "They would be willing also to seize this opportunity that we have to progress this nation together, in a united front."
Why, this is incredible! I guess all that campaign rhetoric about him being so dangerous and anti-American is all forgotten, eh? We're ready to move on and...

"...asked moments later about some of the tough rhetoric she hurled from the stump, she said she was "still concerned" about Obama's ties to former Weather Underground member-turned-Chicago college professor William Ayers. 'If anybody still wants to talk about it, I will,' she said. 'Because this is an unrepentant domestic terrorist who had campaigned to blow up, to destroy our Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol. That's an association that still bothers me, and I think it's fair to still talk about it."
Ah. I see. Well, in that case:

Fuck off, lady.

Prop 8: Matter Of The Heart



Pal Dan Nurczyk sent this over today:

Hello All,

If you haven't seen this video, please watch it. It made me cry thinking about a far we've come and yet how far we still have to go. Why do 14 years of MY love count for nothing? Why do "WE" not exist? Yeah, it's been that kind a week folks and I'm not very happy!

Dan

You Want Bold Choices? Try This One


The WaPo's Richard Cohen has thrown out a beauty of a challenge for Barack Obama this week. Basically, it breaks down like this: You want to send a bold message, Barry?

Make Al Gore your Secretary of State.

Here's a bit from the article:

"Can you imagine a bolder statement about a new direction when it comes to global warming and the general care of our abused planet? Gore has won a Nobel Peace Prize for his work in this area (and an Oscar, to boot), and his appointment would signal a dramatic shift from the indifference of the Bush era with its cold shoulder to the Kyoto treaty. In one stroke, the United States would emerge as the leader of nations in the effort to save the planet from ourselves -- and could prepare for the consequences of a changed world.

"The new president's urgent priority has to be the economy. He has no other choice. But given that Obama has no foreign policy background, he needs a secretary of state who can really run the nation's foreign affairs while the attention of the White House is largely directed elsewhere. Others are capable of handling the job, including, of course, Sen. John Kerry, who is being mentioned. But Gore has as much experience and something else as well -- he was right on the Persian Gulf War (voted yes) and right on the Iraq war (like Obama, he opposed it from the start)."

Cohen also nominates Lawrence Summers for the Treasury and Joel Klein as Secretary of Education.

But the Gore choice...wow. If that didn't signify drastic change, what would?

The World of Tomorrow


I know. It's hard to put your finger on exactly what you'd like tomorrow to look like. What kind of world you'd like to live in.

I mean, sure, we're all full of hope and fuzzy warm feelings now. But if I asked you what you'd like your morning newspaper to look like on, say, January 21st of next year, you might have trouble telling me exactly.

But tell me....would it look something.....like this?
(h/t to dear ol' Dad)

Yes, We Are Different!



We received this today from bastion cuntrari, and are happy to oblige:

Dear Friend,

We are a group of Italian bloggers. After the racist declaration of Italian first minister (Silvio Berlusconi) concerning the skin colour of Mr. Barack Obama, U.S. Elected President, we decided to start a collective blog against this kind of racism. The name of the blog is: YES WE ARE DIFFERENT! There you can find our statement. We don’t share this kind of declaration and we would show and inform about it. Our target is to notify that many Italians are not racist. Actually we are still organize to find the right way to publish a page on foreign newspaper to mark our ideas. In the mean time we use the blog to get more supports. First of all: we don’t ask you any financial help! We only kindly ask you to help us, if you share our position would be nice to include a link on your site. This is not a commercial site or a spam. All cost will supported by our groups of bloggers, but is important for us to have more highlighting on the web. We confirm this is not a spam project and the only target is to fight against any kind of racism.

We thank you in advance for your help.

Our pleasure.

k Weighs In

Re: Thomas Friedman's op-ed on Detroit:

"Clearly the combination of a very un-innovative business culture, visionless management and overly generous labor contracts explains a lot of it."

k writes: Let me tell you, this is not just a problem in the auto industry. This describes perfectly my last employer. A Fortune 100 non-auto company. And it's been in crisis management for 5+ years.

We have big problems with our corporations in this country. Corporate, make that executive, greed isn't on the list, but it should be. Pensions and 401Ks get cut or mismanaged and CEOs walk away, not as criminals but as heroes!, with $75M in their pockets.

That's a crime.

Poster Thug

She's all growed up and agoin' national! Read the following columns, and see if you can figure out how she might pull it off. And keep telling yourself - just like you did in 2004 - It Can't Happen Here.

David Brooks at the Times:

"To regain power, the Traditionalists argue, the G.O.P. should return to its core ideas: Cut government, cut taxes, restrict immigration. Rally behind Sarah Palin. Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are the most prominent voices in the Traditionalist camp, but there is also the alliance of Old Guard institutions. For example, a group of Traditionalists met in Virginia last weekend to plot strategy, including Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform, Leonard Leo of the Federalist Society and Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council. According to reports, the attendees were pleased that the election wiped out some of the party’s remaining moderates. “There’s a sense that the Republicans on Capitol Hill are freer of wobbly-kneed Republicans than they were before the election,” the writer R. Emmett Tyrrell told a reporter."

Truthdig by Chris Hedges:

"We live in two Americas. One America, now the minority, functions in a print-based, literate world. It can cope with complexity and has the intellectual tools to separate illusion from truth. The other America, which constitutes the majority, exists in a non-reality-based belief system. This America, dependent on skillfully manipulated images for information, has severed itself from the literate, print-based culture. It cannot differentiate between lies and truth. It is informed by simplistic, childish narratives and clichés. It is thrown into confusion by ambiguity, nuance and self-reflection. This divide, more than race, class or gender, more than rural or urban, believer or nonbeliever, red state or blue state, has split the country into radically distinct, unbridgeable and antagonistic entities."


Bill Bradley at Vanity Fair:

"For whatever reason, the national papers and wire services are ignoring the steady stream of local reports concerning post-election acts of racism. The only place to find them is in small-town papers. VF Daily scoured small-town America for news of these incidents. What we found may shock you.
"

And then, my favorite, Maureen Dowd on Winky's interviews this week:

"And yet, Palin still seems disturbingly unconcerned about how much she does not know. Calling Tina Fey. Here’s Palin defending herself on the contention that she got confused about Africa:

“My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska’s investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars.” And, she concluded, “never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or a continent, I just don’t know about this issue.”

Our Winks will do two more interviews this week, then speak at the National Republican Governor's meeting.

"The Way Forward," is the subject of her speech.

Lock and Load (Emphasis on the Load)


Are you prepared for the coming race war?

Don't look at me like that. Are you? Have you stocked up on your rifles, your semi-autos, your ammo? Because it's coming, boys and girls. Black militants are on the march and if you aren't ready for them, well...

...and I'm not quite sure how to finish that sentence.

Now you might be thinking, "Excuse me, did you just say race war?" To which I reply, "Absolutely. Don't you read the paper?"

In today's Chicago Tribune, we learn that, since Obama's election victory, gun sales have gone up, up, up into the stratosphere. I had heard a little something about this (Mr. Pickering has blogged about it on the site), but I chalked it up to gun enthusiasts who are concerned that Barack Obama and a Democratic Congress and Senate will insist on stricter gun control measures around the country. And they'd be right. You'll still be able to buy guns in America, of course, but common sense gun laws will be enacted.

I don't think it justifies running out and stocking the pantry with Glocks but...I'm not going to try to figure out what's going on in the mind of people who love guns. Life is too short.

But now I learn that the concern over gun rights is only part of the reason AK47's are jumping off the shelves. What else could be driving people to load up on guns?

Fear of black people. I kid you not. From the story:

"Some say they are worried that the incoming Obama administration will attempt to reimpose the ban on assault weapons that expired in 2004. Others fear the loss of their right to own handguns. A few say they are preparing to protect themselves in the event of a race war."
That's right. Race war.

I mean, it only makes sense, right? We're going to have a black president so, naturally, once that occurs, all of the black people are going to rise up as one and smite their oppressors. The lingering resentment over long-dead white overlords enslaving their ancestors will boil over and- next thing you know your nice black neighbor is burning down your house and demanding reparations.

You still think I'm kidding, right? FROM THE STORY:
"Why are white people buying assault weapons?" said Ben Agger, a sociology professor at the University of Texas at Arlington who wrote a book about the Virginia Tech slayings. "I almost hate to say it, but there is a deep-seated fear of the armed black man, because Obama now commands the military and other instruments of the justice system. They are afraid Obama will exact retribution for the very deep-seated legacy of slavery."
I'm sorry, but this is beyond stupid. It's beyond unreasonable. Beyond kooky, nutty, abberant, loopy and unjustifiably freaked out.

This is lunacy. This is unbridled paranoia. Is this America in the year 2008? Sometimes I just don't know.

I've often wondered, over the past eight years, how we could have wound up with the moron we currently have sitting in the White House. Stupid me. I forgot about people like this. Those who fear the looming spectre of racial injustice to burst into their very doors.

I forgot all about the crazy people. Damn. I simply must remember not to do that.

Big News

The picture, making front pages around the world, is President-elect Obama hugging Iraq War Vet Tammy Duckworth, head of Illinois Department Veteran's Affairs - and a contender for the job at the national level. This was a wreath-laying at Chicago's Soldier Field, yesterday.

The White House, also yesterday, talked down any notion that the Columbian free trade deal Chimpy spoke of was offered as quid pro quo for an auto industry bailout. There's back and forth on the meeting itself.

Thomas Friedman has a great Times op-ed on Detroit, that's raising common-sensical ruckus:

"How could these companies be so bad for so long? Clearly the combination of a very un-innovative business culture, visionless management and overly generous labor contracts explains a lot of it. It led to a situation whereby General Motors could make money only by selling big, gas-guzzling S.U.V.’s and trucks. Therefore, instead of focusing on making money by innovating around fuel efficiency, productivity and design, G.M. threw way too much energy into lobbying and maneuvering to protect its gas guzzlers."

The auto industry debate will be the last stand between this Congress and the Chimpy White House. And probably the most key - identifying the cost of how things have been done, and how they are going to be done. Word is just coming in from the banking industry how they're using taxpayer bailout money: the same way they have always - to their own benefit. Will it be the same with Detroit?

New rules for participation by Federal Lobbyists were announced by the Obama transition team - which is either backpedaling or a step in the right direction, depending on who you read.

And the reviews and clips are coming in now on Winky's neverending rehab. The big revelation is that she's just as ignorant and dangerous as she's proved herself to be all along. Check out some of the comments from her fans, below Zurawik's article.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What Will We Learn?


Here's a good question: Once Barack Obama takes over the Presidency, what will we learn about the actions- the behind-the-scenes, illegal and disturbingly un-American actions- of our current Commander in Chief? This question is asked and explored in this piece, from Truthout.org. It says, in part:

"When Barack Obama takes the oath of office on January 20, Americans won't just get a new president; they might finally learn the full extent of George W. Bush's warrantless domestic wiretapping.

"Since The New York Times first revealed in 2005 that the NSA was eavesdropping on citizens' overseas phone calls and e-mail, few additional details about the massive "Terrorist Surveillance Program" have emerged. That's because the Bush administration has stonewalled, misled and denied documents to Congress, and subpoenaed the phone records of the investigative reporters.

"Now privacy advocates are hopeful that President Obama will be more forthcoming with information. But for the quickest and most honest account of Bush's illegal policies, they say don't look to the incoming president. Watch instead for the hidden army of would-be whistle-blowers who've been waiting for Inauguration Day to open the spigot on the truth."
If you ask me, we aren't going to learn much. I would imagine that there is, at that level, a sort of noblesse oblige attitude. Obama will take over, fix Bush's mess- no matter how long it takes- and basically show folks what being Presidential is all about. Bush's wrongdoing will be, I'm supposing, swept under the carpet.

Now, if he should stumble across something truly horrifying? Would we suddenly hear about some indictments? Maybe.

But I'm not holding my breath.

Irrelevance

On the other side of the coin, here is a link to what is, for me, a new site (courtesy, once again, of Brother David) called Whiskey Fire. These guys are pissed. But really smart, too. The basic thrust is: there is no such thing as a conservative intellectual.

I'll offer you a snippet, but you should really go to the site. The comments, especially are worth reading. Here's a sampling:

To be a conservative nowadays and not be Cast Forth from the Tribe, you need to believe:

1. Anthropogenic climate change is a Lie.

2. The "Main Stream Media" has a partisan bias in favor of Democrats.

3. The invasion of Iraq was based on an honest appraisal of the evidence.

4. Torture is acceptable, and also, we do not torture.

I could go on, but these will do to make the point. To be a conservative in the 21st century American sense, you need to believe things that are not true, and you need to tie yourself into knots to pretend otherwise.


Yikes! Keep on truckin' boys...

What Smart People Do


I was watching Keith Olbermann's show last night (Hi Keith!) and I had one of those "Aha!" moments that I'd like to share with you. It happened during a piece he was doing about Joe Lieberman. Let me run this down for you:

See, in a just world, Joe would already be under the bus, the wheels crushing what's left of his spine, after the way he treated the Democrats (and, specifically, Barack Obama) during this election. Joe supported John McCain. He campaigned with him. And, in his crowning achievement, Lieberman pulled a Zell Miller and actually went to St. Paul to speak at the Republican National Convention.

Joe should, by almost all accounts, be toast. And given that the Democrats aren't going to get their filibuster-proof sixty seat majority...why not get rid of Joe? Take away his chairmanships, throw him out of the caucus, rend our clothing and declare him dead to us?

I'll tell you why: because Obama does not wish it so.

This gave me pause when I first heard it. "Hold it," I thought. "Barack isn't going to get rid of Joe? Why the hell not? Why the hell not?"

*******

Similar- and related- story. Obama is coming into office in a couple of months with a majority, but not a super majority, in the Senate and in Congress. This give him the opporunity to work fast. He can issue some executive orders (getting rid of some of the more egregious decisions made by Team Bush in the past decade) but he can also get some legislation on the table.

The Republicans might squawk, but they're hardly in a position to argue. We kicked their ass this year and if they want a fight, by God, we're going to give them one. If they want to be obstructionist, fine. Who needs 'em? We'll roll over them like....

Hold on a second. Barack is saying something. What was that?

You want to...what? You want to reach across the aisle? You want to...work with the Republicans on crafting new legislation? You want to bring moderate Republicans into the fold and ensure that they are part of this process as well? And the first person you want to reach out to is....WHO?

John McCain?

You mean the guy who basically called you a terrorist for the past year? That guy? The one at the rallies who called you a socialist? Are you flippin' kidding me, Barack?

What could possibly....?

Aha! I get it.

See, this is why you're going to be President and I'm not. You are smart and cool. I am...well, I'm still pretty smart, I think, but...I'm a trifle vindictive, too. My instinct is lash out at my tormentors. To punish those who hurt me. To crush my enemies, see them driven before me and hear the lamentations of their women.

You? You want to govern. You want to get stuff done. You don't just want to pass legislation, you want to pass it in a bipartisan fashion, unlike...you know. The guy with the bananas.

Why toss Joe out the window when you can work with him? Why demonize McCain (who deep down isn't such a bad guy, I suppose) when you can actually strike a few deals with him and, in the meantime, help him to resurrect his diminished reputation?

Sorry, Barack. I didn't see it at first.

Damn, you're good.

You Think We're Mean?


The Urban Dictionary has announced a new entry. How's this for a series of definitions?

Palin (n.) 1. An applicant lacking even basic job skills
2. Someone supremely un-self-aware or lacking any relative sense of what he/she does or doesn't know.

HR sent me another Palin for the marketing manager job.

Palin (v.) 1. to abandon one's principles for short term gain

Tom, a devout vegan, palined when he consumed a happy meal solely to obtain the collectible toy it contained.

Palin (n.) 1. Pejorative term that refers to an incompetent, impractical, irrelevant or incapable person who has been appointed to a position of great importance.
2. A person who holds authority disproportionate to his or her requisite ethics and qualifications. Derived from John McCain's controversial 2008 Vice Presidential pick, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

John was recently made principal, but everybody thinks he's a Palin who can't do the job.

My new boss is such a Palin - he took my deserved place because the CEO is his personal
friend.

Palin (v.) 1. To lie pointlessly and repeatedly. Also: to knowingly claim you were on the side of the issue you weren't.

"I said, 'Thanks but no thanks,' to Congress for the Bridge to Nowhere," Gov. Palin palined.

I mean.....ouch.