A Day of Perfidy

When they write the history of the 2008 elections, October 17 will stand as a day without peer. Kevin, let me see if I can sort it all out.

The Set-Up:

1. The morning began with Candidates McCain and Obama being lauded all over press and news channels for their Shecky-like turns at the Al Smith dinner in Washington, the night before.

2. Candidate McCain had also appeared on Late Night the night before, just to turd-polish his image - but managed to run into some transportation snafus (he ended up taking a helicopter so as not to be late), and, thank God, finally, some tough questions from that bastion of journalistic integrity: David Letterman (G. Gordon Liddy, anyone?). Note: Hang your head in shame, National Media - Tina Fey, Stewart and Colbert, the ladies on The View, and Our Dave have all waxed your tail from one end of this campaign to the other. What a disgrace you are to public service and information. Cronkite used to get this shit right in a half-hour broadcast. You can't do it in a 24-hour bloc. Pathetic and dangerous - that's you. Get a job.

2. Indeed, it seemed the public face of the entire McCain ticket turned to intentional comedy, for a change - as it was announced that Candidate Palin managed to get herself booked on SNL, Saturday. (Uh - good luck with that, Punkin'.) It's also worth noting that, the day before, Palin had gotten up on her hind legs in North Carolina and made the remarks Kevin outlined below.

3. Candidate Biden also had a very funny appearance on Jay Leno, scheduled opposite Letterman, the night before. But since he didn't stick his foot in his mouth or say anything hateful, he was, by and large, ignored by the press.

4. Meanwhile, in Ohio, the suing GOP and the State District Attorney, Jennifer Brunner - a Democrat - awaited a ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court on whether 200,000-plus voter registrations would have to be cross-checked with other state data bases.

5. Lastly, during the debate the other night, a small AP story was released revealing that the FBI is investigating the SMERSH of Fox News: ACORN. This is a story leaked by Justice Department personnel who "wish to remain anonymous," as it is strictly against DOJ policy to talk about ongoing investigations. Sound familiar, anyone?

The Shills:

1. Everyone hits the stump yesterday morning - in mostly Red States, which gives you an indication of how well the Straight Talk Express is faring. But don't get cocky.

2. Things started to get strange as neither Candidate McCain nor Palin mentioned William Ayers in their speeches. Turns out they didn't have to, as McCain Campaign Manager and Fannie Mae Lobbyist Poster Boy, Rick Davis, had set his Phone Orcs in motion: millions of insidious Robocalls - accusing Candidate Obama of everything from consorting with terrorism to chronic halitosis - were going out nationwide, all day, all the time. This is the exact same method - and calling company - that was used to destroy McCain's own 2000 campaign. How you sleepin' nights, Mr. Magoo?

3. Candidate McCain accuses Obama of ruining Joe the Faux-Plumber's life (Sorry, Kevin), by sending all those nasty media people over to his house - conveniently forgetting that he was the one who brought up the poor schnook in the first place. Sheriff John is getting good at this Rovian "accuse your opponent of what you're doing" thang. Note: JTP, to date, has already done at least five times more interviews with the press than the Mayor of Moosejaw. Therefore, I now feel much safer handing over the keys to the United States Armed Forces to him. News Media: grow a pair.

4. Overnight, several offices of the hapless ACORN across the country were vandalized and looted. Want to guess who the culprits are voting for? (If you guessed George Wallace - you were close!)

5. Rick Davis and his Orcs ran a morning conference call for the media, pushing them to further investigate the negligent ties between Obama and - shudder - ACORN.

6. First shocker of the day: in a stunning setback for the GOP, the US Supreme Court rules that it has no right to sue in Ohio, so voting lists - including incoming absentee ballots and new voter registers - will not be impeded. Unbelievable.

7. Former Secretary of State Colin Powell requested time on Sunday's Meet The Press. The smart money thinks he's coming out for the Kenyan Kid. Hoo-rah. Payback's a bitch!

8. Candidate Biden appeared on Ellen, lauding the defeat of California's Prop 8, and, on the stump, launched a scorching tirade all over the Mayor of Moosejaw's "pro-America" McCarthyism.

9. Second shocker of the day: Palin actually talked to reporters on her plane. And managed to bring up Reverend Wright in the bargain. Maybe I'm not so shocked.

10. Candidate Obama fucked up on the stump, and just talked about the economy.

The Pay-Off:

1. Senator Ted Stevens went ballistic on the stand at his corruption trail. He's from Alaska, you know.

2. It's revealed the Palin's set a "copying" price for the press to review all their e-mails the Alaskan courts have ordered them to save: 15 million bucks.

3. Another Shocker: the Bush Administration announced a tentative pact with Iraq for withdrawal of American troops, thank God. It follows Obama's plan.

4. Another Shocker, still: the Chicago Tribune - breaking a 161-year tradition - comes out for a Democrat: Obama.

5. Shocker of Shockers: after seeing the leaked AP story, the legal arm of the Obama campaign announced that it has requested the DOJ's Special Prosecutor to investigate GOP voter suppression in Ohio and beyond. (Pause.) Holy shit! The Democrats are going to fight the GOP Voter Fraud Racket before an election! I love this Obama guy! Roll that tape of the State's Attorney Scandal! Roll that tape of Rove! Roll the 2004 and 2006 elections again!

6. McCain was out like a shot, accusing the Obamanauts of "criminalizing" the voting process - adding that the Democrat's Tax Plan was Welfare, for good measure.

7. Meanwhile, as all that was landing, over on MSNBC's Hardball, Chris Matthews conducted a shocking interview with the Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Republican from Minnesota - just to give us an idea of how unholy the GOP has become.

I saw it live, and I'll never forget it. What a day.